So, how 'bout those 90's Martial Arts flicks? Those were a thing, right? Best Of The Best 2 was pretty sweet, huh? That Cody from Step-By Step kicked some ass in a few movies if I remember correctly. Who could forget the Code-man? I saw this movie recently that really could have used a little of that guy's coolness. A terminally uncool movie that still deserves a little love simply for being so positive in such a negative world. So, today, I give a little love to a movie called High Kicks. An obscurity that likely went undetected by most everyone upon release and beyond. You may not know it, but there are actual shot-on-video flicks out there that are not of the horror (or porn) genre, which actually seems a little wrong to me for some reason. I've come across a few over the years, but a martial arts movie? Definitely a new one on me too. However, bear with me. This gets good. And by that, I, of course, mean dumb enough to hold your attention.

So, anyway. We've all been there, haven't we? At one point or another, we've all longed for that special someone to come along to not only encourage us to fight back against our tormentors, but to teach us how. Not all of us are lucky enough for someone like that to ever show up, much less appear out of nowhere like Sam. However, for Sandy, she would soon find much more than some advice or encouragement. Soon, Sandy will gain confidence, along with vengeance and good times with new friends. And along the way, romance with a pretty, blonde beau with an epic mullet, whose free-spirited nature just might be able to be tamed. More on that later, for today is a new day for Sandy. Today, Sandy's "Knight in shining armor" walks into her life, narrowly missing the gang of ethnically-diverse rapists who just finished up having their way with her once-tight vagina. If he had made it there sooner, it would have been helpful, but Sam's a chillin', carefree guy who gets there when he gets there. However, Sam does assure Sandy that if he had been around, the rape would not have gone down. And I'm sure that helped a great deal.

So, Sandy owns and runs the "High Kicks!" aerobics studio, while Sam, a sailor who is merely passing through, has just scored a short-term job working for her. And as Sam learns the disturbing news of his new employer's rape, he pitches the idea of teaching her how to prevent future rapes. Not wanting to ever feel so vulnerable again, Sandy takes Sam up on his offer, and being a pro at aerobics, she just knows this Karate stuff will be a cinch. A scene or two later, and we are finally clued into the fact that Sandy is a bit of a retard. Sam takes her to see his two friends who also practice the martial arts regularly, and when Sandy sees them sparring, she about loses her shit. And once Sam joins in the training, Sandy is convinced it is the end. Poor girl is soon clued in on what sparring is and that these guys are long-time pals of Sam's. So everyone likes each other, now!

Strangely, one could almost wedge this story into the rape-revenge category. However, it's all just very watered-down and comes off suspiciously PC at times. Nobody actually dies but Sandy and Pals eventually go around L.A. looking for members of the rape gang, and in some really badly-executed scenes, the Karate guys teach them a little lesson. They don't fuck them up too awfully bad. Just enough to let them know that rape isn't cool. As Sandy witnesses this while learning her own self-defense, she starts to feel better about everything and soon regains her confidence and then some. Somewhere in the middle of all this, Sandy and Sam bond over Sam's confession that he too was once raped by a bunch of dudes. He also learned the martial arts as a way of protecting his tight little hole. And as far as we know, Sam only has ONE of those, so, he really has to be on his game at all times.

Sandy and pals beat up rapists, hang out and drink beer, joke around a lot, and great! Everything seems more or less settled with a good half hour still left. Sandy throws around the idea of inventing "karobics" by merging karate with aerobics. That goes surprisingly well, actually. The story randomly starts focusing on Sam not knowing how to take the romance further with this chick who couldn't possibly be making it easier for him. Sam is pressured into going on a date with some aerobics floozy, putting him in the doghouse with Sandy for a while. Eventually, things are worked out with Sandy and her new beau celebrating with a round of hot, consensual sex, which we never see because of course we don't. And for some reason, they felt the need to throw in some last-minute subplot with Sam trying to figure out how he's going to make his brother's wedding on such short notice. Don't ask me...

Well, if you happen to be a fan of the SOVs as well as martial arts flicks, I suppose I owe you a big "you're welcome". Otherwise, never mind any of this, because I'm sure it would take being a fan of both to have the patience for it all. But seriously, I don't exactly believe in "guilty pleasures", but I'd put my money on this being someone's, for sure. Me? I'm down with this shit in the most healthy way possible. Sure, it's super lame, but given the right frame of mind, this level of lameness and ineptitude can be a real treat. Sam's flowing, golden mullet being at least 1/3 of said treat. And his uncanny resemblance to Dave Coulier is truly the cherry on top. Who knows? I guess someone back in '93 just wanted to make a good-natured martial arts flick on video. There's something awfully naive and almost sitcom-like about this movie and its characters. They all might have come off somewhat endearing had they actually developed a little and had been played by actors, but hey, they're nice. It's just a nice movie. Not everyone needs to go around cutting dicks off, anyway! 3/10