Recently, I wrote a piece on Cannibal Ferox, comparing it to the slightly more popular Cannibal Holocaust, and asking the question "Coke or Pepsi?" https://trashepics.com/post/9/98/. In other words, which is number one and which is number two. The jury is still out on that one, I guess. But I'm here today because I'm not quite finished talking about these types of movies. There's actually a lot more to know than what is found in Ferox and Holocaust. There were many before and after. Most of which were directed by Italians. Most, but not all. These Non-Italian black sheep can be spotted pretty easily, as they're lacking that special something that comforts one in need of such a film. They usually lack style, and have very different scores. Plus, the gore usually sucks.

I don't want to scare anyone off, but it just so happens that Jess Franco once or twice tried his hand at making one of these. Today, we're going to talk about one of them. White Cannibal Queen, it's called. Also known as Mondo Cannibale. I'd like to discuss this trash epic, as well as where it might fit on the soda list.

I'm just going to say it. Jess Franco really fucked up! A statement that could easily cover 2/3 of his 40 plus year career. A filmmaker responsible for some truly unique and beautiful gems here and there, but considering the man seemingly made around 12,000 movies, you just know there's going to be a lot of turkeys in there. But occasionally, the man struck gold. This is not one of those occasions. Seriously. Franco really fucked up, here! But with that said, this isn't the typical Franco badness. Franco badness normally includes lots and lots of boredom. Not so much with White Cannibal Queen was actually hilarious. Jess Franco managed to create a successful Cannibal parody right in the middle of the cannibal boom. Probably not the intention, but there's really no other way to look at it if you want to enjoy it.

I'm pretty sure they snuck in a couple white people to play cannibal savages. They have tans, but fuck a goddamn duck! This was only 1980. You'd think a shortcoming so avoidable wouldn't show up in one of these until around 1988. But again. Non-Italian. Alright, then. On with the story. Here, we got a family out near the Brazilian Jungle in an isolated hospital. The action wastes no time in getting started, as the wife is eaten, the husband's arm gets severed, and their daughter, kidnapped. All by a tribe of some very queer looking cannibals who look more like witch doctors, actually. And they seem cleaner and slightly more civilized than the one's we're used to. Some of them even speak English. Yes, English. Ten years later, we catch up with a bearded, one-armed Jeremy Taylor, who has been scarred by memories and tormented by nightmares, but is determined to go back to where it all started, to finally bring his daughter home. Only Lina Romay believes his story and is willing to help. As the two tag along on a Safari, we discover Jeremy's daughter has been made into the cannibal's own Queen. Brainwashed and everything. This complicates things. But not half as much as the inevitable bloodbath we have before us.

Strangely, this story has far more depth than most of these films. The shortcomings are plentiful, but if you're looking for something so terrible, it's incredible, and not the impalings and castrations many of us are so fond of, then, you very well might find some appreciation for this otherwise dreadful attempt at cashing in on the Cannibal craze. And that's where this all begins and ends. In some Franco films, the heart, the soul, the very essence of the man can be found. Films like A Virgin Among The Living Dead and Vampyros Lesbos. These films ARE Jess Franco. However, he was also very much a director-for-hire, at times. That's where half assed garbage like White Cannibal Queen comes in. Franco had no business making one of these, and he probably knew it. But money is money. Looking for more reasons to like such a film? Well, there's always the eternally 10/10 Lina Romay, adding that much needed hotness and class.

So, where exactly does White Cannibal Queen fit on the Soda list? I've given this a lot thought, as many things must be considered. As we already know, White Cannibal Queen isn't that great. Unconventional at best. Unnecessary might be another word to describe it. However, when it's all said and done, it very much serves its purpose. White Cannibal Queen is all but forgotten, and will forever remain underappreciated for what it brought to the table. The answer is obvious. White Cannibal Queen is Jolt Cola! 5/10